To Every Woman on Planet Earth,
I am writing this to apprise you of my formal resignation. I am resigning from the following: Mommy-wars, Wife-wars, Christian-wars, Woman-wars, Estrogen-wars, Martyr-wars (et. al). I have informally resigned, but for record keeping’s sake, I thought I’d do it in writing too, so there’s no confusion. It would be nice if there was some kind of badge or certificate I could have so when I start getting sucked in, I could simply hold up my certificate and be excused from said war. (Something to think about for whoever’s in charge of that kind of thing!)
In resigning my position, I give up the following:
- Judging other women/wives/moms/Christians so I can feel better about myself. (We are all at different points on our journey, after all!)
- Comparing myself to others and spiralling into a depression because I am no where near as amazing as they are. (We are all at different points on our jouney, after all.. Wait didn’t I just say that?!?)
- Giving passive-aggressive compliments that are actually veiled put-downs. ( I don’t do passive-aggressive very well, anyway!)
- Believing that someone else’s accomplishments somehow diminish my value or my accomplishments.
- Feeling like I need to explain myself (ie: why I can’t do something, why I did something a certain way, and on and on ad infinitum) in order to be accepted, and not have people mad at me or disappointed in me.(If I did something, or didn’t do something, there’s a probably a good reason. Even if I give that reason you will still think what you want to think, so I’m not going to waste my time or surrender my dignity for no reason.)
- Holding other women to unrealistic standards- and judging them for not “measuring up.”
- Holding myself to an unrealistic standard and hating myself for not “measuring up.”
- Pretending like everything’s just fine and dandy when it’s not.
- Thinking that if someone does something differently than I do that it’s wrong. Sometimes it’s not a matter of right and wrong. It’s just a matter of being different.
- Assuming I know the whole situation and judging a women for what she is or isn’t doing in said situation; when in fact I don’t know all the details and should stop the criticism and help, encourage and pray.
In formally resigning, I embrace the following instead:
- I will not take criticism, gossipping, badmouthing, back stabbing, or immaturity personally and I will not participate in these things either.
- I will also not retaliate if above occurs. Instead I will forgive you (or myself) and pray for you and love on you.
- I will remind myself that I am not at war with other women for friendships, men, beauty, fame, success, The “Mother of the Year”, The “Wife of the Year” (those awards don’t really exist, by the way), the perfect life. We were created for friendship with each other. Deep, meaningful friendship. (Remember the story of Ruth and Naomi? Girl left her country, her religion, her family for her relationship with her mother-in-law, after her husband was killed! “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people. And your God will be my God. Where you die I will die and there I will be buried.” Ruth 1:16-17a) Those verses are used at weddings, but it’s a model of female relationship.
- I will remember that all of us are broken. All of us have been hurt. We are all insecure in some way. I will love you and myself anyway.
- I will accept that I don’t have to be close friends with every woman, personalities and other factors make that unreasonable and unrealistic. I will accept that and not try to find something wrong with you or myself if we don’t “click”.
- I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
- I will be honest about what’s really going on in my life. And that makes people uncomfortable, but I’ll do it anyway. If I can be honest, maybe you can too.
- I will cheer your successes and grieve when you mourn. I will not grieve your successes and cheer when you mourn.
- I will keep fighting myself, the world, the devil and his minions, for us as women to grasp how beautiful we are. Even with frizzy hair, an extra 20 or 200 pounds, a horrible job, single and getting older, married and given up, it doesn’t matter. God made you. God made me. He knew how crazy we would be, and still he chose to make us! You have a destiny that is too huge for you to grasp, and we need to stop believing the lie that we’re not good enough, pretty enough, young enough, old enough, smart enough, or skinny enough to matter or to make a difference. We won’t make it if we keep fighting each other and ourselves. We won’t make it if we keep believing the lie.
- I will remember that “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil.” Ephesians 6:12 NIV
- I will fight. I will not give in. I will not give up.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.” Psalm 139: 13-15 NIV
You are a work of God, His works are wonderful. That means you are wonderful!
Your frame was not hidden from God, is not hidden from God. He sees us, all of us. He sees our hurts, our hearts, our dreams and He loves us. He sees what we try to hide from ourselves, and still He loves us.
We need to love each other. We need to love ourselves.
We all need to resign.