My Formal Resignation

To Every Woman on Planet Earth,

I am writing this to apprise you of my formal resignation. I am resigning from the following: Mommy-wars, Wife-wars, Christian-wars, Woman-wars, Estrogen-wars, Martyr-wars (et. al).  I have informally resigned, but for record keeping’s sake, I thought I’d do it in writing too, so there’s no confusion. It would be nice if there was some kind of badge or certificate I could have so when I start getting sucked in, I could simply hold up my certificate and be excused from said war. (Something to think about for whoever’s in charge of that kind of thing!)

In resigning my position, I give up the following:

  • Judging other women/wives/moms/Christians so I can feel better about myself. (We are all at different points on our journey, after all!)
  • Comparing myself to others and spiralling into a depression because I am no where near as amazing as they are. (We are all at different points on our jouney, after all.. Wait didn’t I just say that?!?)
  • Giving passive-aggressive compliments that are actually veiled put-downs. ( I don’t do passive-aggressive very well, anyway!)
  • Believing that someone else’s accomplishments somehow diminish my value or my accomplishments.
  • Feeling like I need to explain myself (ie: why I can’t do something, why I did something a certain way, and on and on ad infinitum) in order to be accepted, and not have people mad at me or disappointed in me.(If I did something, or didn’t do something, there’s a probably a good reason. Even if I give that reason you will still think what you want to think, so I’m not going to waste my time or surrender my dignity for no reason.)
  • Holding other women to unrealistic standards- and judging them for not “measuring up.”
  • Holding myself to an unrealistic standard and hating myself for not “measuring up.”
  • Pretending like everything’s just fine and dandy when it’s not.
  • Thinking that if someone does something differently than I do that it’s wrong. Sometimes it’s not a matter of right and wrong. It’s just a matter of being different.
  • Assuming I know the whole situation and judging a women for what she is or isn’t doing in said situation; when in fact I don’t know all the details and should stop the criticism and help, encourage and pray.

In formally resigning,  I embrace the following instead:

  • I will not take criticism, gossipping, badmouthing, back stabbing, or immaturity personally and I will not participate in these things either.
  • I will also not retaliate if above occurs. Instead I will forgive you (or myself) and pray for you and love on you.
  • I will remind myself that I am not at war with other women for friendships, men, beauty, fame, success,  The “Mother of the Year”, The “Wife of the Year” (those awards don’t really exist, by the way), the perfect life. We were created for friendship with each other. Deep, meaningful friendship. (Remember the story of Ruth and Naomi? Girl left her country, her religion, her family for her relationship with her mother-in-law, after her husband was killed! “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people. And your God will be my God. Where you die I will die and there I will be buried.” Ruth 1:16-17a) Those verses are used at weddings, but it’s a model of female relationship.
  • I will remember that all of us are broken. All of us have been hurt. We are all insecure in some way. I will love you and myself anyway.
  • I will accept that I don’t have to be close friends with every woman, personalities and other factors make that unreasonable and unrealistic. I will accept that and not try to find something wrong with you or myself if we don’t “click”.
  • I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
  • I will be honest about what’s really going on in my life. And that makes people uncomfortable, but I’ll do it anyway. If I can be honest, maybe you can too.
  • I will cheer your successes and grieve when you mourn. I will not grieve your successes and cheer when you mourn.
  • I will keep fighting myself, the world, the devil and his minions, for us as women to grasp how beautiful we are. Even with frizzy hair, an extra 20 or 200 pounds, a horrible job, single and getting older, married and given up, it doesn’t matter. God made you. God made me. He knew how crazy we would be, and still he chose to make us! You have a destiny that is too huge for you to grasp, and we need to stop believing the lie that we’re not good enough, pretty enough, young enough, old enough,  smart enough, or skinny enough to matter or to make a difference. We won’t make it if we keep fighting each other and ourselves. We won’t make it if we keep believing the lie.
  • I will remember that “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil.” Ephesians 6:12 NIV
  • I will fight. I will not give in. I will not give up.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.” Psalm 139: 13-15 NIV

You are a work of God, His works are wonderful. That means you are wonderful!

Your frame was not hidden from God, is not hidden from God. He sees us, all of us. He sees our hurts, our hearts, our dreams and He loves us. He sees what we try to hide from ourselves, and still He loves us.

We need to love each other. We need to love ourselves.

We all need to resign.

 

 

 

The lying liar who lied

Gird yourself for more blatant honesty, folks…

Here’s the thing. I used to be a liar. Almost to the point of being a compulsive liar. I lied about things that there was no reason to lie about. I’d lie to your face without blinking or feeling an ounce of remorse or guilt. I was a mess as a kid and young adult. I made really bad choices. I hurt people. I hurt myself. I’m not going to go into all the details now, that story is for some other time.

When I was 19 I had an encounter with God. (That phrase might freak some of you out, but that’s what it was.) I was flushing my life down the toilet and was heading for complete self destruction very quickly. I was at the lowest point of my life, which is saying something. It was there that I came to know the God of the Bible. Reading the Bible and seeing how much God loved me; that he chose to create me even though he knew how crazy I would be, gave me hope. Realizing that God loved me for me, not because of what I could do to him or for him, but because of who I was, icky parts and all, gave me freedom. I decided to trust God and hand the reins of my life over to Him. With me in charge of my life I proved to be inept, dangerous, and self destructive. Really, trying out this “God thing” couldn’t mess my life up any more than I had! That was almost 13 years ago and God’s never let me down or led me astray since. He has been the one constant, unending source of strength, peace and confidence.

So, I used to be a Liar. Now I am a compulsive truth-teller. To the point that I just offer up information because I feel like by keeping it quiet I’m lying by omission. Crazy, right? It definitely makes people uncomfortable. And it makes for awkward silences in the middle of perfectly good conversations. Sigh… The burden I bear; unfinished conversations and awkward exits.

I put it all out there. I know I’m a mess. I don’t have it all figured out. Not even close! I hang it all out there, all the truth of where I’m at, like underwear on a clothesline. It could be embarrassing for people to see what’s usually hidden, but I’ve got nothing to prove. to anyone. Neither do you. Let me say that again. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Not your momma, not your daddy, not your spouse, not your boss, not your kids, not other ladies (or men for the 2 guys that read this). So there’s no reason to fake it!  I lay it out there for the whole world to see my embarrassing granny panties in hopes that others will bare it all too. If more people do it, if more people’s bloomers are flapping in the breeze, then it becomes normal. Not so scary. Pretty soon everyone will be doing it. Like facebooking and skinny jeans and iPods… iTruthing… I should copyright that…

As a parent, every day I find myself out of my depth. Feeling clueless and sometimes (a lot) overwhelmed. As a wife, not every day, but often! Sometimes I just fail as a human being. Life can be tough. We’re broken people living in a broken world. We (especially women) need to realize we’re all in this together. We need to love each other; shortcomings, hangups, sins, idiosyncrasies, annoying habits and all. We don’t all have to be besties, but we need to care. We need to be honest. We need to be vulnerable. We need to quit pretending that everything’s perfect. We need to be brave. We need to love.

Now don’t think that I think I’m perfect and have it all figured out (ha ha ha ha ha that’s funny!) and everyone needs to be just like me. That would be a scary world… Filled with half completed projects and people who talk before they think… I’m in progress. But I’m not giving up, I’m not giving in. I want to encourage women to be real, be honest, be authentic with each other without fear. People may reject you or judge you or maybe look at you funny. Yeah, it hurts. But it doesn’t matter! What other people think of you has NO affect on your worth or your identity, unless you let it. It’s a choice we must make, a hard choice. Fear man or trust God. Be ruled by fear or ruled by love.

I am choosing love and I am choosing to trust God. I will continue to be awkwardly honest and make all the Scandiwhovians uncomfortable. This is who I was created to be. Honest, open, blunt (with some tact), exhorter, encourager, reformer.

I’m letting my freak flag fly.

Or in this case, my granny undies.

I sure hope you will too.

I’ve revised this thing 150 times. I’m just hitting publish and leaving it at that.

 

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” Proverbs 29:25

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil.” Ephesians 6:12

 

 

 

 

 

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