Sundays tend to be crazy around our house. Noel is the main sound guy for our church and he is a musician on the worship team. Or church band, for those that don’t speak Christianese. Pretty much every Sunday he is doing one or the other (sometimes both which is tricky). Our church also has 2 services on Sunday and Noel is usually involved with both. So he leaves home very early. Sometimes he brings the 3 big kids with to the early service and then Riley and I just meet them at the “regular” later service. This is a typical Sunday when he hasn’t brought any kids with him
8:00 Wake up to big kids playing the wii. Tell them to turn it off and we need to get ready to go. They are confused. They can’t figure out where we are going because they think it’s a week day since Dad left so early. I tell them it is in fact Sunday and we are going to church. Cue excitement and hyperactivity.
8:05 I calm kids down and get them on task with eating breakfast and getting clothes ready to put on after they shower or bathe.
8:12 I buckle Riley into his highchair and give him food and drink. Clock starts ticking on how long he will be content in his chair.
8:15 I hop in the shower
8:17 First kid comes running in to use the toilet.
8:18 Second kid comes running in to use toilet and nags, whines and cries at the first kid to hurry up because they have to go really, really bad. I sing a little louder so I can ignore what’s going on and relax a little.
8:20 Bathroom starts to stink and my shower scalds me as the toilet gets flushed.
8:21 I hear Riley crying out in the living room. I yell out to someone to tell me what’s wrong with him.
8:21:30 Kid comes in to tell me what’s going on with Riley. They fail to shut the bathroom door, so Riley(who has been released from his highchair) comes in too. After exploring the wonders of the toilet seat and touching it sufficiently enough to get e-coli, he tries to climb in the shower with me. He cries when I won’t let him in fully clothed and full out bawls when the one who left the door open escorts him out of the bathroom.
8:22 Listening to Riley blood curdling screaming right outside the bathroom door as he jiggles the doorknob trying to get in. Hear loud thumps and feel the whole house shake as the big kids are apparently jack hammering our home. That or they found an elephant wandering around outside and they let it in our home.
8:23 Give up on shower, rinse conditioner mostly out of my hair. Get out and wrap hair up in one towel and body with another.
8:24 Exit bathroom and am greeted by sobbing Riley, and 3 big kids who have not found clothes or eaten breakfast. They have been doing other productive things, like coloring and chasing each other around the house.
8:25 Apologize to kids after hollering at them for not obeying and “We need to hurry so we are not late for CHURCH!” Sigh.
8:30 Get Natalie and Riley in the bath.
8:40 Dump water over a screaming Riley’s head and a whining and screaming Natalie’s head.
8:40:30 Quietly thank God that I only shampoo their hair so I only have to rinse them once.
8:43 Take a still-screaming-from-the-water-dump Riley out of the tub. Wrap him in towel and put him on the changing table.
8:45 Dry off Riley while giving Nat directions on getting out and actually drying off instead of sitting on the rug wrapped in a towel as Ethan and Will come in the bathroom and argue over who showers next.
8:47 Pat self on back for remembering to clean Riley’s belly button with Q-tip dipped in alcohol.
8:50 As I’m putting Riley’s pants on as he stands on the changing table I notice the alcohol smell is still strong. That’s odd.
8:51 Tell Natalie she needs to get off rug now and get clothes on and brush her teeth. Remind boy in shower to use shampoo, not just water, and to rinse thoroughly!
8:53 Feel something dripping on my foot as I am still getting Riley dressed at the changing table. Look down and see rubbing alcohol puddled around Riley’s feet and dripping down through clothes and diapers to finally land on my feet. And my dress pants.
8:53:30 Yell at boy not showering to bring paper towels double quick! Pick up knocked over bottle of alcohol that apparently had a loose cover.
8:54 Use half a roll of paper towels to mop up stinky alcohol mess while holding half dressed Riley so he doesn’t get covered in it.
8:58 Tell Natalie to put a clean shirt on. Tell boy in shower to hurry up and other boy to be ready to hop in shower.
9:02 Riley finally dressed, last boy in shower. Riley is being clingy and cries if I set him down. Now do everything one handed while lugging an extra 25 pounds around.
9:04 Brush Natalie’s hair as she screams the entire time. Even before the brush is actually touching her hair. All while holding Riley- who is trying to take the brush from me and crying because I won’t give it to him.
9:08 Wow! Realize everyone is dressed! We are going to be early!
9:08:30 Realize I still have my pajama shirt on. And no makeup. And no socks. And no bra.
9:12 Remember that there is no Children’s Church this Sunday for the big boys, so remind them to get things to keep them quietly occupied. Double check that I have a fully loaded diaper bag. Realize I need a snack for Riley.
9:13 Start putting Riley in his car seat, tell Ethan to go start the van. Will suddenly remembers something that he HAS to bring with to church. He goes to search for it.
9:15 Ethan races in the house saying, “I don’t think we’ll be able to go to church today, Mom!” Cue hysterics from kids who really, really, really want to go to church!
9:17 The hysterics and freaking out are now quieted enough that I can hear Ethan tell me why we can’t go to church… The doors are locked on the van and the keys are in it.
9:17:30 I remember that we have an extra fob somewhere in our house that I can unlock the van with, if I can just find it.
9:20 Try calling Noel after not finding the fob quickly. Quietly thank God for the car Noel just got that I don’t like but can fit all 6 of us if needed. Laugh that I’m not even at church and God’s teaching me…
9:24 Got Noel’s voice mail, so I furiously dig through our 2 junk drawers looking for our fob. Find 3!!! Fobs that are not for our van.
9:28 Finally find fob and get van unlocked. Seriously contemplate changing my name to Momgyver. Ethan runs out and starts van.
9:30 Get Riley’s shoes on and find his pacifier (Yes! He still has a paci at 20 months. Go ahead and judge me) Harp on Will and Nat to get their shoes and jackets on!
9:33 Apologize to kids again for being so sharp.
9:34 Ethan runs into the house looking for something. I give him a few minutes to look. Then he informs me what he’s doing and I tell him now is not the time to be finding your phone charger to charge Dad’s old phone that you play with.
9:38 Finally get Ethan out the door. We are all outside now. Instead of getting in the van, Will and Nat have been playing in the snow. I decide they can go to church wet.
9:42 Everyone is in van and buckled. I hop in and realize I need to scrape the windows to drive safely.
9:47 Van scraped, I’m covered in snow. Finally time to go to church. It takes 15 minutes to get there but highways are slippery so it takes a little longer.
10:10 Arrive at church 10 minutes late. I get Riley out of the car and wait for the kids to get out.
10:11 Still waiting. Tell the kids to hurry up.
10:12 Still waiting. Tell the kids to hurry up
10:13 Finally they figure out how to get out of the van we’ve owned for 4 years and we head in to church.
10:15 Bring Natalie to her class. Go into the sanctuary to find a seat near the sound booth so the kids can be with their dad if they want and not disturb the entire congregation.
10:17 Take jacket off and have horrific moment of wondering if I did indeed change my shirt and put a bra on. Casually glance down and see that yes, I did indeed actually finish getting dressed.
10:17:30 Silently thank God that I somehow remembered to dress myself in the chaos.
10:18 Snuggle into my sweet baby in my arms and thank God for my kids and chaos. Realize it’s not so hard.
10:19 Leave the sanctuary with screaming Riley and disobedient big kids. Appreciate that God appreciates irony.
10:20 Choose to laugh instead of cry.